epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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