Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
