Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
