you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
