you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
