I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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