u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
