Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
