last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't deserve a penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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