my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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