I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
