And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
BRING THE BAGELS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
