my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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