Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
