Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
