also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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