I got chris browned last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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