Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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