I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
