I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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