she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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