we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
