We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
