She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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