Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
