Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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