Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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