I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
