Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
