i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize