I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
