Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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