i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
