I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
