I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
