He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
