Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
