Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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