I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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