yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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