She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
