Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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