i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
