yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
