im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
