I wish my penis had an off switch
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
