I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
