I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
