She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
