my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
