How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
