I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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