so explain again why im purple
no
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
