i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
