worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
