Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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